Hmmm, I just looked back at that post and laughed a little. It wasn't meant to be some 'OMG' kind of thing for anyone...but for me it was.
See, I kind of fell head-over-heels for a guy I worked with when I was about 16. He was 36 year's old. Big mistake right from the start.
Nothing happened between us...I mean really, what could or would have happened? The lad was nearly 40 and I had only just entered my teens. What - could he have taken me out for ice-cream? Or could I have waited outside while he threw back a few schooners with the boys?
And, you'd think this whole 'idea' that men just want young women would in turn work in my favour...well, thankfully it didn't. I say thankfully because looking back at my 16 year old self, I know I was no-where near ready for a relationship/commitment or anything else that didn't involve crime novels (here's to you Cornwell for filling my tender mind with crime... I'll love you forever more).
Now I'm a 22 year-old woman. Oh God...I'm not a girl I'm a WOMAN. Even saying that sounds so 'official' and even a little frightening. And for the last 5 years I've measured every single man I've met up to this guy I fell for. No-one measured up to him. And you know why? Because I had invented what I thought he was like. I didn't know him that well - I just worked with him, saw him every day etc. But in my mind I thought up ways he would behave, things he would say, his likes/dislikes etc. I built my own perfect man with him as my template.
He has a girlfriend now - I'm not sure about that other 4 year gap, I heard he was a bit of a Lothario and has women come in and out of his life so I assumed he would have had someone...just not 'the one'. That said I don't think this girl is the one, who knows, maybe she is. Point being, anything I felt for him has disappeared. I'd like to think it's maturity. I'd like to believe I've grown up, I've changed my mind...and the person I am now, doesn't need to same person I needed at 16.
So there it is. One sleep to go until 2009 come rolling on in and I've discarded an old-love that I had let cling onto me for years and years.
Truth be told, there is some part of me that will still hold a special memory of him (or the 'him' I created), primarily because it represents the most perfect unrecognised love.
It's been the oddest week. It's Sunday, but feels like Friday. You know when that happens, and you feel all out-of-sync and then your week turns into one big snowball of days?
Plus, the week will turn into a brand New Year mid-way through, so you cant understand why I feel so odd.
I've taken to immersing myself in Monty Python and lots of other silly things. I'm a big Python fan, I love the lads and I think their humour is pure genius. I know it's not funny to everyone (my mum doesn't like them at all), but, i find the absurdity and odd nature of their skits put me in a different mind-set. And that's what I love about them. I think that should be the aim of anyone who is creating; be it art, skits, music etc. You want your audience to be transported into a different place, taken out of reality and thrown somewhere else.
I have to say though, I used to think Michael Palin was by far the most attractive Python boy, BUT, I've taken quite a liking to Terry Jones recently. That's not to say I think Jones is the funniest, oh no, that honour goes to Cleese, Chapman and Palin ( can't pick, sorry ), but looks wise? Yeah, Jones wins that...even dressed as a woman which he seems to have a penchant for.
Fish Slapping Dance
So, what I want to know is, is the Monty Python love a purely British/Australian thing, or do other people 'get it' or 'get them' ?.
Right now I am totally into and in love with the 60's era. I love the straight cut clothes, the short hair cuts, the androgyny, the clean but eccentric make-up. I love, love, LOVE it all. So, in honour of my new found worship - I have dedicated a post to help anyone else who wishes to join me on my brigade to re-visit the era style blessed.
Here's a wonderful run-down of the tragic life of 60's icon, Edie Segwick's.
Eye make-up from the 60's is one of the most quintessential elements of the whole mod get-up. It's dark, lots of mascara, liner, kohl...it's all big, black and bold. If you need a lesson in how to paint some 60's magic on your blinkers, check out this site.
If you wanna see a video outlining a step-by-step process, check this out.
OH.MY.GOD...ModCloth has the best (and I'm not exaggerating here), they have the bestest clothes if you want to transform yourself into Edie Sedgwick or any other 60's chanteuse. The prices are really reasonable, some of their is one-of-a-kind so you know you won't catch anyone else wearing what you've got, and the people that run it are a nice bunch of folks. What are you waiting for? Click, click, CLICK!
This site has everything you need to know about the decade (pity about it being littered with gif's from 98).
And how could I forget that other mod-icon... TWIGGY! It's funny, because in all her old 60's modelling shots she never smiled. Not that it bothered me, I think the whole waif, lost child look totally added to her charm. But not, she has completely changed and smiles and smiles and smiles.
Check out this video dedicated to living life in the mod-era
Well, well, well. Oh my lord, I'm in the editing chair and I'm in control of news bulletins all night. Is that a good thing? Well, it's not so bad, considering I'm chewing my nails down to nothing stressting over lead stories and audio.
Although, it is nice to be sitting here alone in the news room, doing my own little merry thing and feeling like I have control...the airwaves are mine...for approximately 6.05 minutes.
So, so, so my darlings. I have been absent from the internet for what feels like forever! Getting knee deep in my new job and with my ISP deciding to shut its door without letting its customers know...yeah, all those things make a recipe for Internet activity impossible!
Not much to update, really though. It reminds me of those times you see people you haven't seen for years and when you two really start talking you both end up saying 'yeah...not much has really changed'.
Although, tonight I'm on my own at work. Edititng, writing and reading the news. Dear God, I'm petrified, excited and positively wrapped that I've been given the chance to do it.
Now that my computer is working...and I've switched ISP's (damn you chilli), updates will be more frequent.
I read Jack now every day he sings me my lullabies and helps me dream sweet dreams of writing great novels and taking long trips to the middle of nowhere he makes me realise that it's all just make believe isn't it?
"They danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"
So, I ended up having one of those days yesterday where everything went wrong. One bad thing after another. Whats funny is, is that once two bad things in a row have happened, you almost expect more bad thing to occur...so, you kind of jinx yourself.
That said...I had some chocolate on me that I'd bought for my dad and because I was feeling so blue, I opened it, ate some, then wrapped it all back together. I don't think he'd realise though (let's hope not).
Oooo, I also have a new literary love hero: Jack Kerouac. I started reading his masterpiece 'On the Road' yesterday, and I'm quite certain it's going to be fighting it out with 'In cold blood' and 'Catcher in the rye' for the best book's I've ever read award.
Plus, ever wonder what it's like to work behind the scenes at a radio show? Well, take a look:
For some reason someone felt it was important to let others know this. I thought it was funny.
The screen. You write callers names on there, click the 'update studio' button and the announcer has their names.
Well, it's been one of those mish-mash weeks. You know the kind - the ones where the days are all mixed you (you think it's Friday, it's really only Tuesday), you feel tired, restless and just want the week to end.
I'm actually having a ball at work - in that I'm writing copy faster, writing more interesting intro's and I think the main point it, getting more confident about my writing. I'm curious, is this a general path most new employees take?
Do we all kind of go into a new place feeling like we really don't belong there/can't believe we were hired because we secretly know just how bad we are? Then we kind go on our merry way, but never quite get into the groove of things because we're too busy critiquing ourselves?
Then, suddenly, it's as if you have a epiphany, you arrive and you do your job and for once, you walk away genuinely pleased. It's a rare, wonderful feeling. One that you try to hold on to and revisit whenever you feel your confidence crumbling. Then, before you know it, you're not the new kid anymore...you're 'one of the family'. It all happened so fast!
So, do you guys go through that path of work self doubt? Or, do you start a new job totally confident and wanting to kick ass (I know my neighbour does...so I'm sure more people do!)
Anyway, I'm off to meet an old friend before work. Have a wonderful day, wherever you are :)
'Every day from nine to five I sit at my desk facing the door of the office and type up other peoples dreams (...) from where I sit, I figure the world is run by one thing and one thing only. Panic with a dog-face, devil face, hag-face, whore-face, panic in capital letters with no face at all - it's the same Johnny Panic, awake or asleep.'
'There isn't a dream I've typed up in our record books that I dont know by heart. Theres insn't a dream I havn't copied out at home into Johnny Panic's Bible of Dreams.
I think, we need to take a little bit of a closer look at what love is.
Novelists wrote about it, poets live for it, and the average person yearns for it.
But is it just a misguided notion? Do we all want romantic love? Or, do we feel we're simply supposed to want it, because everybody else does?
Mary Evens doesn't believe in love at all. My English literature professor wrote a review on her amazing book, 'Love; an unromantic discussion'. Here's one of the things she said:
'Ideas of romantic love are continually reproduced in art, literature, and media, forming part of our larger cultural imagination. In romantic love we enter the world of fantasy, and in a sense, take flight from reality. Entering into this fantasy, this play of romantic love, has all kinds of personal and social consequences. One might ask: is romantic love a desirable deception? Sociologist Mary Evans thinks not. In Love: An Unromantic Discussion, she urges us—women in particular—to abandon romantic love. It is individualistic. Its expectations are too high. It is demanding. It’s commodified love. It is a myth. It’s bound to fail. For women, it is a trap.'
A woman, who doesn't subscribe to pre-conceived ideas of love? Scandal!
She's had her heart broken, that must be it. That's what we all think right? It seems inconceivable that a woman could arrive at this belief. Women are, after all, only here to serve men.
Last night while I slaved away behind a news desk for a late night radio show, I started flipping through my thesaurus (otherwise known as my bible), and decided to look up love.
The results were quite eye-opening:
Love: worship, adoration, devotion
It's all about loosing yourself isn't it?
Forgetting yourself as you simply melt into someone else's character,